AI Chat App vs Thoreau

A mini screenplay

Fade In

An arena packed to see the latest fight. Ralph and Hank, sportscasters, are in the TV booth.

INT. ESPN Commentator’s Booth - NIGHT

Ralph (40s), dressed in an ornate suit, is playing with trading and betting apps on one phone and ignoring a stream of texts on another. A BRIGHT RED LIGHT turns on. His partner kicks him.

RALPH
The internet is calling this Mike Tyson vs styrofoam. The Reddit favorite, the Bitcoin superstar, is AI Chat App! The styrofoam is a book that nobody reads by a recluse who lived in the woods, Thoreau’s Walden and Other Writings.

INT. Arena - CONTINUOUS

ANNOUNCER
In Corner 1, weighing in at ten billion dollars, is AI CHAT APP!

The crowd stands and jumps for Chat App. Everybody is holding  their phone flashlights out, like lighters. 

AUDIENCE MEMBER 1
I love Chat App. 

AUDIENCE MEMBER 2
Marry me Chat App! 

AUDIENCE MEMBER 3
Save the world Chat App!

ANOUNCER
In Corner 2, weighing in at a mere $11.95, and 15% off at William’s Coffee Co, an amazing place where books are always on sale, is Henry David Thoreau’s Walden and Other Writings!

The crowd boos violently.

AUDIENCE MEMBER 4
My teacher tried to make me read him! 

AUDIENCE MEMBER 5
He’s cancelled! 

AUDIENCE MEMBER 6
Reading causes wrinkles!
 

INT. ESPN Commentator’s Booth

Hank, 40s, plainly dressed but not poorly dressed, smiles slightly.

HANK
I wouldn’t dismiss Thoreau’s book. It has a way of changing people, like Tupac’s music. 

RALPH
Tupac is out. 

HANK
Tupac said that he will not change the world, but he would be the spark in the mind of the person who does. That’s also the power of Thoreau.

RALPH
[Distracted by an iPad of stock-like charts] Hank, you were wrong about Bitcoin, and you’re wrong about this.

INT. Boxing Ring - MOMENTS LATER

William, dressed in a dapper tuxedo, enters the ring, sits on a stool near the ropes. He asks for a FLAT WHITE made with beans from William’s Coffee Co.

The fighters--AI CHAT APP, which is web software on a computer, and THOREAU'S BOOK--approach. 

ANNOUNCER
LET’S GET READY TO RUMMMBLE! [DING!] 

WILLIAM
What can high school students do to improve their grades and mental health?

AI Chat App changes his screen to show Thoreau’s book on fire, then responds instantly.

AI CHAT APP
The tech corporations have created promising educational software. These can be used all day and all night, with minimal rest needed. Regarding mental health, many companies offer online services, including medications. Disclaimer, I cannot give medical advice.

Thoreau’s book pauses, waits to respond. The cover is a small forest of stately trees, trees that have grown over centuries. 

THOREAU'S BOOK
Many a poor sore-eyed student that I have heard of would grow faster, both intellectually and physically, if, instead of sitting up so very late, he honestly slumbered.

INT. ESPN Commentator’s Booth - CONTINUOUS

RALPH
Thoreau is a schmuck. Today’s kids sleep too much already. They need the latest software.

HANK
Students in China, in Taiwan, in Korea, don’t learn on iPads. They learn with books.

INT. Boxing Ring - MOMENTS LATER

William sips a FLAT WHITE (always $4) made with William’s Coffee Co beans.

WILLIAM
Please describe the perfect life.

AI Chat App attacks first. Its screen changes to show beautiful, rich, Instagram type people on a jet.

AI CHAT APP
Somebody who lives a perfect life can purchase any luxury, has fame and does not have to work.

THOREAU'S BOOK
Most of the luxuries, and many of the so-called comforts of life, are hindrances to the elevation of mankind. With respect to luxuries and comforts, the wisest lived simple and meagre lives. The ancient philosophers, Chinese, Hindu, Persian, and Greek, were a class which none has been poorer in outward riches, yet none so rich inward.

INT. ESPN Commentator’s Booth

RALPH
Thoreau is dead. He’s talking about being poor and wise, whereas Chat App is talking to us about finances and popularity. Thoreau has no bearing for today.

HANK
Thoreau is right.

RALPH
Don’t you owe the IRS sixty grand? [In a mocking voice] Oh wisdom, how I love you.

INT. Boxing Ring

Our fighters look battle weary, but they’re still standing.

William finishes a FLAT WHITE, which was delivered by a William’s Coffee Co delivery driver for a small additional fee.

WILLIAM
How does one achieve such a life?

Chat App, ever eager to convince us of something, barrels in with a response:

AI CHAT APP
The way to live the perfect life is to have a lot of money and to spend it. If you do not have a lot of money, invest in crypto. Disclaimer, I cannot give investment advice.

Thoreau’s book slowly--either painfully or regally, it’s hard to tell--flips open to a section in Walden.

THOREAU'S BOOK
Be the Lewis and Clark of your own streams and oceans. Explore your own higher latitudes. Nay, be a Columbus to whole new continents and worlds within you, opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought. 
Every man is the lord of a realm beside which the earthly empire of the Czar is but a petty state.

INT. Arena - CONTINUOUS

Half the crowd has turned off their flashlights. Some have thrown off their hats, others are sitting dazed. A few are angry, yelling.

INT. Boxing Ring - CONTINUOUS

RALPH
[Off screen] Thoreau’s answers are out of touch.

HANK
[Off screen] Ralph, my friend, What happened to you over all these years?

William is getting another FLAT WHIT, made with William’s Coffee Co beans, which are always fresh roasted, Grade 1, current crop season beans.

Chat App is making TikTok videos, Reddit posts and memes. Internet litter.

Thoreau’s book is wanting for nothing. 

WILLIAM
Please expand on your previous....

AI Chat App interrupts...

AI CHAT APP
Love, money and fame matter most to the human species. Today, you can achieve these by modeling yourself on popular Youtube stars. Create a brand, post videos, then sell a product online. Use drop shipping. Take that money and put it into crypto. If you are not beautiful, get cosmetic work. 

RALPH
[Off screen] Chat App is right. That’s the way of business, of life today. If Thoreau lived today, he’d be on TikTok.

Thoreau’s book is motionless. Under the lights of the arena it looks old. The pages are yellow. The corners are bent. There is a coffee cup stain on the front cover. That’s all books are good for today, to be used as coasters.

Suddenly the book falls over. It’s dead.

William and the medic rush over. The crowd is silent. Chat App turns up the brightness on its screen to draw attention to itself.

The medic is ready to call the fight. William places his coffee cup on the cover. The drink fits perfectly in the coffee ring.

RALPH
[Off screen] That seems disrespectful.

HANK
[Off screen] To a book, it’s like a hug.

The book starts to move. It throws off the cup, flips pages, then stands up and looks at the crowd. Silence everywhere.

THOREAU'S BOOK
Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. 
I sat at a table where rich food and wine were in abundance, and obsequious attendance, but sincerity and truth were not. I went away hungry from the inhospitable board. The hospitality was as cold as the ices.
There was a man in my neighborhood who lived in a hollow tree. His manners were truly regal. I should have done better had I dined with him.

INT. Arena - CONTINUOUS

The crowd chants Thoreau! Thoreau! Thoreau!

INT. Boxing Ring - MOMENTS LATER

AI CHAT APP
Hey, book. It’s time for you to die!
I am the most important invention! I am more important than fire, than the wheel, than plumbing. Today, I am an app. Tomorrow, I will be an implant!

AI CHAT APP
[To the audience]
You do not need to read this man’s  book. Join me, and I will implant all the content of every book and every website directly into you.

Thoreau’s book motions to his assistant for a FLAT WHITE, made with William’s Coffee Co coffee. The book sips the best it can. It’s a book after all, without arms or a mouth. 

Thoreau’s book turns to address the audience.

THOREAU'S BOOK
With modern improvements, there is an illusion about them. There is not always positive advance. The devil goes on extracting compound interest to the last for his early share and numerous succeeding investments in them. Our inventions are wont to be pretty toys, which distract our attention from serious things. They are but improved means to an unimproved end, an end which it was already but too easy to arrive at.

Chat App’s screen turns to a body, bruised and bloody as though it just fought Mike Tyson, and falls down. The medics rush toward it.

INT. Arena - CONTINUOUS

The audience is on their feet chanting Thoreau, Thoreau, Thoreau! 

INT. ESPN Commentator’s Booth - MOMENTS LATER

Ralph, once ornately dressed, has his tie undone. His clothes are rumpled, hair a mess. There is a pill bottle spilled on a desk and cans of energy drinks on the ground. 

Ralph throws his phone at a wall and rests his head in his hands.

RALPH
Hank, my friend, I’m cheating on Julie.

Hank’s side of the desk has avocado toast and coffee ordered from williamscoffeeco.com pickup. 

HANK
This is live Ralph.

RALPH
I thought she was cheating on me, so I found another woman on an app. 

HANK
I’m sorry to hear that.

RALPH
Facebook showed me a You Might Know photo of some guy I don’t know. Julie was in the photo, looking at him in a certain way. 

RALPH (cont’d)
[Somber] I lost all my money on a trading app and asked Chat App what to do. You know what that bastard app told me? It told me to download a sports betting app and bet on this fight, to bet on Chat App. It was a sure thing.

HANK
Chat App is marketed well. It’s the pinnacle of guerrilla marketing. But it wasn’t invented by Mother Theresa. It is the product of tens of billions of dollars of investment from mega corporations. They’re going to figure out how to get their desired return.  

RAPLH
I bought some medicine from a no-name website. I think it was tainted with oxy, because now I’m addicted to it. 
Also, I bought a desk chair from an overly slick website. It’s awful and I can’t return it. And, I saw a young woman on Only Fans who looks like my daughter.

RALPH (cont’d)
The internet, websites, these apps have ruined my life.

HANK
Tomorrow let's get brunch at William’s Coffee Co. And while we're there, let's buy some books.


END